Bad Habit

Today I realized I'm 100% sure that I know 0% about love. Society loves to romanticize this idea of a soulmate. There's this crazy concept out there that out of the seven billion (and counting) people on this earth, I was made for one person. I think that's absolute bullshit. What's even worse? I'm a hopeless romantic.

I know, I know. I'm contradicting myself before I can even complete my thought. But here's the thing; i've grown up my whole life listening to music that derives from human emotion, usually attached to love. It's so easy to think about experiences you've never had, when Destiny's Child spell it out perfectly. It's kind of human nature to reminisce about things you've never experienced. 

I have absolutely no idea what love is. I know what I've seen and heard and pretended to be, but that's not real. You can only watch The Notebook so many times before you realize that it's just wishful thinking. From what I've experienced, romance is messy. There's nothing smooth about it. Nothing about it flows perfectly and transforms into an hour and a half drama. I think that it takes time.

I'm still trying to figure out what love is or how it feels, and I think that i'll still be figuring it out when I'm on my deathbed. I know that I want someone to grow old with. I feel like the vast majority of people want that. Because being lonely sucks. But then again we also romanticize the concept of immortality, and staying "forever young." My mind is in this constant contradiction of what I desire, which makes relationships really difficult.

I want to fall in love and I want to have someone who will be my right hand person, but I also don't really know if I totally believe in true love. In this society it just seems inevitable that love won't work out.

I'm basically just rambling now, but I'm at a crossroad with myself and sometimes I get so exhausted with how often my brain runs around in circles.

The song of the week is "Bad Habit" by The Kooks, because my heart has some bad habits that are constantly overwhelming me.

Until next week friends, I hope you're figuring everything out better than I am.